No court, no judge, for motor cars

I spent an hour this morning in the Stokes County Government Building in Danbury, NC (who the hell was this Dan guy, by the way; they named everything around here after him). Why was I there? Well, in the five years I have been making the one-hundred mile round trip commute from my home in Virginia to my workplace in Greensboro, NC, I have only received two speeding tickets. Both of them were issued by the same trooper, on the same curve in the same stretch of road, at nearly the same time of day. The first time, almost two years ago, I just paid it; I wasn’t sure how fast I was going. The second time, two months ago, I know I wasn’t going nearly as fast as said trooper claimed she clocked me at, and I decided to fight it. Fast forward to Mario, this morning at 7:30AM, standing in a line of at least two-hundred people, waiting to get into the clerk’s office.

Corrie Ann had done all kinds of research for me about what to say, how unreliable radar guns are (especially when they are employed by a moving car, on-coming, on a curve as this trooper did both times), and how many small municipalities use speeding tickets as a form of revenue. Mostly what this information did was scare the hell out of me. I really don’t like confrontation and I wasn’t looking forward to facing down some judge with my arguments. Still, I sucked it up, offered a pouty lip to my wife, and went to court. What I found there was the most surreal experience I have had in a long time.

Picture a long line of folks: men in coveralls, men in polos, women in cut off shorts, women in business attire. All of them are frowning and talking about how they were unjustly ticketed. Enter the Stokes County Assistant District Attorney. He splits the line into speeding tickets and “other infractions” all the while announcing to everyone in general that the citing officer had waived their right to appear and that as long as we could come to some agreement, there would be no need for court and judge. He also assured us we had the right to a judge and court if we really wanted one.

He took the “other infractions” line first, and it moved scary fast. I don’t know what was going on there, but he was standing at the clerk’s counter, taking peoples citations and doing some magic and sending them on their way. Next were the speeding tickets and for this he sat at a small table, with a woman, in front of the clerks counter. One by one we filed in. Here’s how my turn went.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Mr. Assistant District Attorney.”

“What’s your driving record look like?”

“I have one other ticket, issued by the same trooper, on the same stretch of road, two years ago. I would have been here then, but I wasn’t sure about my speed that time, so I just paid it. This time I know I wasn’t going as fast as the trooper claimed.”

ADA laughs, “So you wish to contest it?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, I can set you a court date for the middle of July,” ADA dons poker face.

Mario internally eeps while trying to maintain his outward cool, “Look, my big concern is the points on my license and my insurance premiums going up. Is there an easier way that doesn’t involve me taking another day off of work?”

ADA tries to disguise gleam of triumph in his eye, “Well, I can let you plead faulty equipment today.”

“And there won’t be any points taken from my license and thus no higher insurance premiums?” Mario asks skeptically.

“Nope,” ADA grins.

“Fine.”

$160 later, I’m out of court, clear of the ticket, and on my way to work … and I felt dirty. I have never seen a more blatant racket run by a government institution in all my life. It is, for lack of a better description, legalized extortion. There were over two hundred people in that line. If you assume everyone pays the same fine, then they cleared $32,000 just that morning.

As I drove to work I reflected on the fact that around the courthouse were all the little lawyers offices, like piglets sucking at the sow’s teats. I recalled how within a week of getting this ticket, I received three letters from lawyers offering to do exactly what I did myself for $250 or more. I think I threw up in my mouth a little.