Search for things that you can’t see…

Remember the scene in the 1986 remake of The Fly, with Jeff Goldblum, where Seth Brundle finds the coarse black hairs growing out of the cut on his back?

Whaddaya think, a fly? Am I becoming a hundred-and-eighty-five-pound fly? No, I’m becoming something that never existed before. I’m becoming… Brundlefly. Don’t you think that’s worth a Nobel Prize or two?

Last night I was stroking my chin in thought, like you do, and I felt something that I at first thought was a skin tag. I pulled on it and it very deliberately informed me, with sharp shooting pain, that it really would like to stay right where it was thank you very much. I wasn’t going to take that lying down, or sitting down for that matter, so I got up and went into the bathroom where we have a nice big mirror. It’s not just for muscle flexing and penis admiring, you know.

Anyway, I leaned in for a closer look and discovered, much to my horror, that it looked like I had a very small sliver of glass stuck in my chin. I reached up and got my tweezers and yanked it out. It was at this point that I was further horrored (yes, I was so scared I made up a whole new verb) to discover that it was not glass, but a very stiff, very white hair! I mean, this thing was like four or five times thicker than the average hair camped out on my face. It looked like a line from one of those fiber optic lamps you can get. You know, the ones that flop around like a crazed wig with the little dots of colored light on the end? Yeah, those! And I had one growing out of my face! I immediately looked for others, finding none after about five minutes of searching. Still, I couldn’t help but remember the scene from the movie where Seth Brundle horks on the doughnuts and then slurps it up. Good thing we keep plenty of straws around…

…getting old sucks.